Shrubbery Orgy Bondage Tea
by The Bacon Pretenders
Summary: A very sexually dysfuctional crossover between Utena and everything we could think of. This fic is basically a jab at all the bad lemons we, the Bacon Pretenders, have ever read. Don't read it if you're offended by bizarre sexual practices or bad punctu
1. Okay, here's the beginning of the story:

Walking through the park was good.  
  
They were in love, and they were happy about it.  
  
"I love you Nuriko." said Fisheye.  
"I love you too Fisheye." said Nuriko.  
"I'm happy." said Fisheye.  
"I'm happy too." said Nuriko.  
  
Nuriko thought Fisheye's hair looked really nice against the sunset. The blue looked really nice against the pink and orange sky. And since they had just come from the gay bath-house, Fisheye's hair was still all wet. His hair was shining in the sun from being wet. Nuriko told Fisheye how nice he looked.  
  
"Fisheye," Nuriko said, "Your blue hair looks really nice with the orange and pink sky from the sunset behind you. Especially since it's still wet. It makes it shiny." said Nuriko.  
  
"Thank you." said Fisheye. He was very happy that Nuriko thought his hair looked nice.  
"I'm happy you think my hair looks nice" said Fisheye.  
"You're welcome." said Nuriko.  
"I'm hungry." said Fisheye.  
  
Nuriko looked at his watch. It was 12:30 pm in the afternoon! Fisheye and Nuriko had been having so much fun at the bath-house that they missed lunch!  
  
They decided to go to the McDonalds on their way home from the bath-house. The McDonalds was close to the park that Nuriko and Fisheye were walking through. They started to walk toward the McDonalds.  
  
Suddenly they heard a lady talking. Then they heard an old lady talking. Then they heard a commercial break.   
  
"That must be a radio." said Fisheye.  
"Yes. It must be a radio we hear." said Nuriko.  
  
They walked some more. The old lady came back on the radio. It sounded like Dr. Laura to Fisheye.  
  
"That sounds like Dr. Laura." said Fisheye.  
"Who is Dr. Laura?" said Nuriko.  
"She is a biological error." said Fisheye.  
  
Nuriko just looked confused.  
  
Fisheye and Nuriko walked under a tree and stopped. They both looked at the car parked in the bushes. It was a red convertable car. A red convertable car with white leather seats. The radio in the car was playing the Dr. Laura show.  
  
"Who parks their car in the shrubbery?" said Nuriko.  
"I don't know." said Fisheye.  
  
They walked over to the car and looked in. Nobody was in the car. It was a very nice car. Fisheye wondered what kind of car it was.  
  
"I wonder what kind of car this is." said Fisheye.  
  
"It's the Akio-car." said a voice from behind them. 


	2. Who's voice was that coming from where w...

"Who's voice was that coming from where we heard a voice?" Nuriko said.  
"I don't know, but I definittly heard a voice," Fisheye said.  
"Well where did the voice come from?" Nuriko said.  
  
Nuriko looked behind him. Fisheye looked behind him too. Behind them was a tree. The treee could talk. Fisheye looked at the tree. "My God Nuriko, that tree can talk!". That did not make Fisheye happy. He hated talking trees because this one time at swimming camp a tree hit on him and he didn't like that because he liked a person at the time but the tree kept hitting on him and he was really unkumfortabl with the tree talking to him and hitting on him and he really did not like that.  
  
Fisheye gave the tree a mean crusty look.   
"What wuz that 4?" Nuriko asked.  
"I think the tree likes you." Said fishEye.  
"I don't think the tree likes me, I think the tree wants us to get in the Akio-car." Said Nuriko.  
"Okay."  
"Okay."  
"Let's get in the car." Said Fisheye.  
  
They got in the car. There were lots of buttons and stuff inside of the car with the leather seats that was a red convertible car. The red convertible car that was the Akio-car had lots of buttons, and Nuriko didn't no what to do. It had lots of stuff too.  
  
"I don't know what 2 do." Said Nuriko.  
"Maybe we should touch each others legs." Said Fisheye. Fisheye was horny.  
"Okay." Said Nuriko.  
"Okay, I am going to touch your leg." Said Fisheye.  
"Okay." Said Nuriko.  
  
Fisheye touched Nuriko's leg. It was slimy.  
"Why is your leg slimy?" Asked fisheye.  
"My leg is slimy?" asked Nuriko.  
"Yes. Your leg is slimy. Why is it slimy?" Asked Fisheye. 


	3. Ewww, Slimy Leg!

Fisheye mumbled something and Nuriko couldn't understand him so he asked Fisheye again.  
"Why is your leg slimy?" said Nuriko again.  
"I have a confession to make to you" said Nuriko.  
"You do? Tell it to me." said Nuriko.  
"OK, here it goes." said Fisheye.  
"OK" said Nuriko.  
"I have a rare disease that melts skin." said Fisheye.  
"WHAT!?" said Nuriko.  
"I have a rare disease that melts skin." said Fisheye.  
"That's nasty." said Nuriko.  
"Yes. And I only have 1 week left to live." said Fisheye.  
"That's bad." said Nuriko.  
"So I need to make the most out of my 1 week to live." said Fisheye.  
"Yes, let's have kinky gay sex here in this akio-car." said Nuriko.  
"Yes, let's." said Fisheye.  
  
Fisheye started to strip Nuriko's clothes off and Nuriko liked it and Fisheye liked it too but then they both started stripping themselves because it was a more efficiant way of taking off your clothes so that you can have sex with each other right there in the akio-car which was particularily sexy and that's probably why they wanted to have sex in it not to mention Fisheye's medical issues aside from that. They were just hot for each other, you know!! It was OK since they get happy from that sort of thing.  
  
The car started to rock back and forth but don't get me wrong here because it wasn't Nuriko and Fisheye rocking the car back and forth it was something else and they were confused.  
"What is that?" said Nuriko.  
"I don't know" Fisheye.  
"Let's go back to taking our clothes off so that we can have sex because I'm superhorny now." said Nuriko.  
"OK." said Fisheye.  
  
The car started rocking back and forth again but this time they heard something coming from the back so they both looked in the back seat but it was empty but they could still hear a muffled voice that they could barely hear. They decided that they would look in the trunk of the car because that's probably where the sound was coming from and they had no idea what it was or where it was coming from so they opened the trunk and saw a person in there. The person that they saw in the trunk when they opened it was none other than the person they knew already and his name was Duo Maxwell. Duo's long braid was wrapped around his head and through his mouth and it was tied and was gagging him and his feet and hands were also tied behind his back but the strange thing was that he was wearing no pants (or underwear either but an even stranger thing was that there were a bunch of dildo's also in the trunk of the akio-car so Nuriko and Fisheye just stared at Duo who was struggling to do something which they weren't sure what he was struggling to do in the first place but they saw the dildos and got weird, kinky ideas which they planned on doing later.  
"Mmmmm." said Duo.  
"I think we should help him, what do you think Nuriko?" said Fisheye.  
"Yes, maybe he wants to join us. His pants are gone, that's pretty kinky." said nuriko.  
"Yes, I think I'm in the mood for a threesome also, you know?" said Fisheye.  
  
Nuriko and Fisheye untied Duo. They also ungagged him. His hair was wet from the spit. He had hair in his mouth. How nasty. Duo looked exhausted and traumatized, too.  
  
"So, tell us Duo, what are you doing with no pants on in the back of the akio-car surrounded by dildos, which are really kinky-looking by the way. Especially those golden ones over there." asked Fisheye. 


	4. The man with the Golden Dildos

Duo looked oddly at Fisheye, and spat a big nasty hairball into his face!   
"Why did you do that?" asked Nuriko.  
"Because I was choking on the hairball that I just spit in Fisheyes face."  
"Oh."  
"Anyway, yeh. So me and my buddy Bill were just getting ready to have some horny sex with the dildos in this trunk, some of which are gold, some arent gold, but they are all in the trunk, when someone suddenly snuck up on us suddenly and tied me up with my disgustingly long hair and put me in the trunk half naked where you two found me."  
"Who!?" asked Fisheye wiping the nasty icky disgusting rancid hairball from his face.  
"I dont know, I never caught his face..." said Duo  
"Oh."  
"Yeh."  
"Sooo...."  
"What?"  
"What happened to Bill?" asked Nuriko  
"Oh, Bill? Hes fine."  
"He is? How can you tell?" asked Fisheye  
"Bill's the tree stupid!" said Duo.  
"The talking tree!?" exlamed Fisheye  
"Yes." said Duo  
"Oh."  
Fisheye turned to Nuriko and asked: "How do you have sex with a tree?"  
"I dunno, but it sounds like fun!" said Fisheye  
"So you wanna have a foursome?" asked Duo  
"Sure!" Fisheye and Nuriko exclaimed in unison.  
"Okay, lemme just call my other friend over and we will make it five." said Duo  
"Fine with us" said Nuriko  
  
Duo picked up one of the Golden dildos and flipped open a panel and started to punch numbers into it. He was calling his friend. He called him so they could all have a fivesome. Bill, Duo, Nuriko, Fisheye, and Duos friend who he was calling. The dildo started to ring, and after 4 rings somebody picked up.  
  
"Hello...?" 


	5. The 60,000,000,000 Manslut

"I wanted to make a telephone call and talk to Vash the Stampede on my Golden dildo telephone. Is this Vash on my Golden dildo telephone that I called and that I am talking to?" asked Duo.  
"Yes this is Vash the Stampede talking to you on your Golden dildo telephone." said Vash.  
"Oh good, because I wanted to talk to you." said Duo.  
"Why?" asked Vash.  
"My friends Fisheye, Nuriko, Bill the talking tree and I want to have kinky gay sex in the kinky aiko-car." said Duo  
"That sounds kinky." said Vash.  
"Yes," said Duo "so do you want to have kinky gay sex with my friends Fisheye, Nuriko, Bill the talking tree and me in the Aiko car that is kinky?"  
"Yes, lets"  
  
Duo hangs up his telephone that is a Golden dildo but also a telephone that can be used to make telephone calls.  
"Vash the Stampede is going to join us and me and Bill the talking tree in the kinky Aiko car" said Duo.  
"Kinky" the others stated in unison.  
  
Vash the Stampede stampeded out the door of his house to have kinky gay sex in the kinky Aiko car with Fisheye, Nuriko, Bill the talking tree, and Duo.  
"This will be fun." stated Vash. "Yahoo."  
  
Vash stepped on the city bus that goes around the city to go where Fisheye, Nuriko, Bill the talking tree, and Duo want to have kinky gay sex in the kinky Aiko car in another part of the city. Thats why he took the city bus.  
  
Vash stumbled on the bus and sat down on the seat which is designed for sitting and when he turned around he was shocked to see... 


End file.
